Romance scam red flags: 22 signs to check before you send anything

Romance scams rarely start with a request for money. They start with attention: a warm message, a quick reply, a person who seems to understand you. The money comes later, once trust is built, and by then the request can feel reasonable.

The scale is large. The FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) logged 23,159 confidence and romance fraud complaints in 2025, with reported losses of $929,287,469, according to its 2025 Internet Crime Report. People aged 60 and over filed 10,188 of those complaints and reported $584,032,745 of the losses. Both agencies stress that many victims never report at all.

The red flags below are grouped by the stage at which they usually show up. One flag on its own may be innocent. Several together, especially once money enters the conversation, is a pattern worth stopping for.

Stage 1: the profile and first contact

Scammers need a believable character. The FTC and the platforms describe the same few templates again and again.

• The profile looks too polished. Model-quality photos, few candid shots, and a job that explains why the person is far away.
• The job keeps them abroad. The FTC’s guide to romance scams lists the usual excuses: working on an oil rig, serving in the military overseas, a posting with an international organisation, or travelling for work.
• They are widowed, divorced or unhappily married. Facebook’s help page on avoiding scams names these as common personas for romance scammers on its platforms.
• The first contact came out of nowhere. A “wrong number” text, a friend request from a stranger, or a comment on an old post. Romance scams often begin outside dating apps. The FTC’s April 2026 Data Spotlight found that nearly 60% of people who reported losing money to a romance scam in 2025 said it started on a social media platform.
• The photos appear under another name. The FTC suggests a reverse image search of profile pictures. If the same face shows up attached to a different name, treat the profile as stolen. The steps are in the guide to reverse image searching a dating profile.
• Details don’t line up. The stated hometown, accent, time zone, spelling and job details shift as the conversation goes on.

Red flag: A profile that asks to move to WhatsApp, Telegram or text within the first few messages. Tinder’s safety tips explain why: chats on the app are subject to its safety detection, so “users with bad intentions often try to move the conversation” elsewhere right away.

Stage 2: the conversation

This is the long middle part, and it can last weeks or months. Facebook’s help page notes that romance scammers aim to build trust first, so the money request may not come for a long time.

• Intensity arrives fast. Talk of soulmates, destiny or marriage within days. AARP’s romance scam guide lists “love bombing” among its red flags.
• They message constantly. Several times a day, good morning and good night, every day. It builds habit and dependence.
• They avoid video. The camera is always broken, the connection is bad, or they are on a base where video isn’t allowed. Hinge’s scam guidance says that if someone only wants to text, “it’s probably a red flag.”
• Meeting keeps getting postponed. Plans are made, then cancelled for a new emergency.
• They ask for secrecy. AARP calls a request to keep the relationship secret “a big red flag.”
• They know a lot about you. Scammers read your profiles. AARP quotes a researcher warning that oversharing about a recent loss or bereavement signals vulnerability.
• The writing changes. Grammar, tone or spelling shift between messages, which can point to several people working one account. AI makes this harder to see: the IC3 report says victims lost over $19 million in 2025 to confidence and romance scams with a likely AI connection, including fake profiles and scripts produced by AI chat tools.

Stage 3: the story

Before the ask, there is usually a setup. A small problem is mentioned, then resolved, then a bigger one appears.

• A crisis that money would solve. Medical bills, a hospital stay, legal trouble, customs fees on a package, or a frozen bank account. The FTC lists medical expenses, travel costs, visa fees and help “getting them out of trouble” as typical requests.
• A flight that needs paying for. Facebook’s guidance specifically mentions requests for money for a flight or visa.
• An investment tip. This is now one of the most costly versions. The person mentions trading profits, offers to teach you, and points you to an app or website. Hinge’s advice is blunt: “dates should never try to give you crypto or investment advice.” This pattern is covered in detail in the explainer on pig butchering scams.
• A package, inheritance or business deal that needs a fee released before it can reach you.
• A test request. Something small, like a gift card or a phone top-up, to see whether you will pay.

Red flag: Any new love interest who talks about money before you have met in person. The FTC’s core advice is short: “Never send money or gifts to a sweetheart you haven’t met in person.”

Stage 4: the money ask

By this stage the flags are clearest, but the pressure is highest.

• The payment method is hard to reverse. Gift cards (and a request to read out the PIN), wire transfers, payment apps, cryptocurrency, or cash. The FTC says scammers choose these because they make it hard to get your money back.
• Urgency. It has to happen today. The deadline is always close.
• Guilt when you hesitate. “If you loved me, you’d help.”
• Requests to receive and forward money. The IC3’s definition of confidence and romance fraud includes victims who are tricked into moving money or goods for the scammer, which can make you part of a money laundering chain.

A quick self-check

If a relationship that started online has reached any of these points, pause before you do anything else:

• You have never met in person and have never had a live video call.
• They have asked for money, gift cards, crypto or your bank details.
• They have suggested an investment platform or app.
• They have asked you to keep the relationship secret from family or friends.
• Friends or family are worried. (The FTC lists this as a warning sign in its own right.)

If two or more apply, talk to someone you trust before you reply.

How to test a suspicious match without confrontation

You don’t need to accuse anyone. A few calm steps will usually tell you what you need to know.

1. Ask for a live video call. Not a recorded clip, a live call. If it never happens, that is your answer.
2. Search their photos. Use a reverse image search on two or three of their pictures.
3. Search the story. The FTC suggests searching the person’s claimed job plus the word “scammer”, for example “oil rig scammer”, to see whether others report the same script.
4. Say no to money. Their reaction to a clear no is revealing.

A safe reply you can copy: “I don’t send money or invest with anyone I haven’t met in person. Happy to keep talking, and let’s do a video call this week.”

If you’ve already sent money

Act quickly. Speed matters most in the first few days.

1. Stop all contact. Don’t explain or argue.
2. Call your bank or payment provider. Tell them you paid a scammer and ask for a reversal or recall. The FTC’s What To Do if You Were Scammed page lists who to contact for each payment type, including gift card issuers, wire companies, payment apps and crypto exchanges.
3. Report to the FBI at ic3.gov and to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. The IC3 report says it should be done “regardless of the amount lost”, because its Recovery Asset Team can sometimes help banks freeze funds.
4. Report the profile to the dating app or social network.
5. Keep everything. Screenshots, usernames, phone numbers, transaction IDs and wallet addresses.

The full walkthrough is in the guide to reporting a romance scammer to the FBI, the FTC and the apps.

In the UK, reports go to Report Fraud, the national service that replaced Action Fraud for England, Wales and Northern Ireland (0300 123 2040). In Scotland, call Police Scotland on 101.

Red flag: Anyone who contacts you after a scam offering to get your money back for a fee. The IC3 recorded 10,516 recovery scam complaints and $1.4 billion in losses in 2025. The FTC says real government agencies never charge to help you recover money, and the IC3 says it does not work with law firms or crypto services to recover funds.

Shame keeps people quiet

Romance scams are run by organised groups using scripts, stolen photos and, increasingly, AI. Being targeted says nothing about your intelligence. Reporting helps investigators link cases, and talking to someone you trust is often the step that breaks the spell.

If you’re 60 or over and want help filing, the IC3’s Elder Fraud Hotline is (833) 372-8311, Monday to Friday, 10am to 6pm ET. The AARP Fraud Watch Network Helpline is 877-908-3360.

Figures and guidance checked 4 Nov 2026.